Two friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continual Pessimistic thinking. The Optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the Pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat.

They got out into the middle of the lake, and the Optimist brought down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat. The Optimist looked at his Pessimistic friend and said, 'What do you think about that?'

The Pessimist replied, 'That dog can't swim, can he?'

The 'Dear. John' Letter...

The soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following:

'Regret can not remember which one is you ... please keep your photo and return the others.'

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday, and everyone was complimenting him on how well he looked.

I'll tell you the secret,'he said.'My wife and I were married seventy-five years ago.

On our wedding night we made a pledge that whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go out and take a walk.

I have been in the open air continuously for the past seventy-five years.'

It is a teacher's last day, and all the students want to show their appreciation for her by giving her a present.

The chocolatier's son brings her a box of fine gourmet truffles, the florist's daughter brings her a bouquet of flowers, and the liquor store owners son comes in with a heavy box.

The teacher notices it's leaking on one side, and takes a drop of the liquid and tastes it. 'Champagne?' The boy says no. 'Brandy?' Again he says no. Finally, the teacher says, 'I give up, what did you get me?'

And the liquor store owner's son says 'A puppy!'

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays,which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, 'Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.' The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

Three students,one studying physics,one studying chemistry and the third one studying mathematics went to a pond.

The Physics student said, he wanted to calculate the density of water and jumped into the pond.

Then the mathematician said that he wanted to calculate the depth of the pond and followed the physics student.

The chemist waited for about two hours, finding no trace of either of the other two he left concluding that both were soluble in water.

Once a couple was fighting over who was a better at thinking better.

They both decided to think for a minute and present their thoughts a minute later the guy presented a poem

Two plus Two is Four plus five is nine I can pee in yours but u can't pee in mine the girl said 'oh yeah' and equalled the guy..

Two plus Two is four plus five is nine I can know the length of yours

but u can't know the depth of mine !!

Santa Singh and his young wife were getting divorced at a local court. But the custody of children posed a problem. The mother protested and said to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

Santa also wanted the custody of his children. The judge asked him the reason wanting custody of the Children.

After a long moment of silence, Santa slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your honour, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to the machine or me?"....

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later,based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer. Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely, Romeo

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there,another customer walked in and said to theshopkeeper, " I'll have a C monkey please."

The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying,

"That'll be \\$5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey.Why did it cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast,tight code, no bugs, well worth the money." The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage.

"That one's even more expensive! \\$10,000! What does it do?" "Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java.All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read \\$50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does it do?" The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but the other monkeys call him the project manager." Tourist !!!!????